Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Teaser Tuesday

Yikes, I knew it had been a while since I've posted a Teaser Tuesday, but I didn't realize it had been a month and a half. Today, well tonight, seems like a good time to get back into the habit.

This is another excerpt from Dwarfed. To clarify, DWARFED is a YA, coming of age novel (which keeps trying to turn into a romance, despite my best attempts to dissuade it). This particular scene is one that I finished writing this morning. I've read through it a few times, but I am sure there are errors that I've missed. I apologize.

Any and all comments, criticisms, and critiques are welcome and appreciated. Oh yeah, I couldn't decide, when someone is listening to a voice in their head, is it considered dialog or thoughts?


I hit the ground with a teeth cracking thud. A second later my shoulders slammed into the concrete, followed by my skull.

Lying there, the damp steadily seeping into my clothing and a headache thumping against my temples, I closed my eyes, blocking the tears. Suddenly everything seemed like to much to bear. How had I come to this? A little over a month ago, my life had been perfect. I got along with my parents, I had great friends, and I was making lots of money while working a job I loved.

It was like my life was one giant sweater with a loose strand My parent's decision to go to Asia was the equivalent of pulling on that strand and now everything was unraveling.

I sank my teeth into my lower lip, trying to stop its trembling.

“Stop it!“ a voice inside my head snarled. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. So what if things have changed, and your life isn't going exactly how you thought it would, that isn't any reason for you to loose it. Maybe things aren't going the way you thought they would, but so what. What is the big deal? Unexpected change leads people down some pretty amazing roads, causes them to experience things that otherwise might have eluded them otherwise. You're Grace Sullivan, court jester. Isn't part of being a successful court jester always being able to see the silver lining?“

Sniffing, I tried to think of a reasonable counter argument. It wasn't easy. The voice inside my head intimidated me. Closing my eyes, I breathed through my nose. Dampness seeped from the floor and into my clothing. Ignoring the discomfort, I quickly sorted through memories of the past few weeks. Images of Willow, Maggie, Caleb, and the rest of my new friends flashed against the back of my eyelids.

I sighed, the voice had a point, not everything about moving to Michigan had been bad. Lots of good things had come out of the move. My palms suddenly started to burn and sting, reminding me of my current situation and that not everything about living in Michigan had been a bowl of sunshine either.

“So what,“ the voice snapped impatiently. Clearly it wasn't going to let me have the upper hand, not even for a second. “Life isn't supposed to be easy. Life is all about overcoming obstacles, dealing with adversity, and using challenges to become a better, a stronger, person.“

I really hate it when the voices inside me head see things more clearly than me.
The voice sensed victory. “You're supposed to be sensible, witty, and smart. Now act like it and stop feeling sorry for yourself“.

Lifting my chin, I tugged on my metamorphic bootstraps. The voice was right. I could handle this. As long as I kept my wits, I could handle anything.

I hope you enjoyed this weeks offering. I'm hoping to be a more regular teaser Tuesday participant.


  1. Hi Jess,

    Let me hit the details first and then comment about the story and how I felt as I read it.

    "Your Grace Sullivan..." should probably be "You're Grace..."

    Twice you use 'suppose' when I'm sure it should be 'supposed.'

    "reason for you to loose it..." Probably 'lose' it.

    The sweater paragraph slowed me down a little. Here's why. 'String.' Sweaters are usually made of yarn. Yarn strands.

    And I wonder why she fell. All in all, though, it's good stuff and I'm engaged. Have to feed me some more details next Tuesday so I know what her situation is.

    Looking forward to it.



  2. Thanks Doug for pointing out the errors. I knew I had to be missing some.

  3. I like how you played it with using dialog tags for the voice in her head rather than using something like italics which would have made it more thought-like.

    I am looking forward to seeing more!

  4. Thanks Lisa,I could decide which form was correct. I'm grateful for your imput.